Before we begin, a story. If you can’t be arsed to read the story, scroll down!
The arrival of autumn certainly hasn’t escaped anyone’s notice. Leaves are starting to change into a kaleidoscope of reds and oranges, and the garden becomes a carpet of these magnificent colours. You’re sitting outside against a big tree, soaking up the last rays of sun and devouring a good book. This is the perfect way to spend your day. It’s peaceful and quiet out here, with no responsibilities and no-one to bother y-
You look up, confused by the sudden invasion of your personal bubble. You’re all alone, aren’t you? But you could’ve sworn you just felt something nudge against your elbow. You look around, ready to give whoever bothered you a mouthful, but there’s no-one there. That’s odd. Slowly, you return back to your book. Man, that totally pulled you out of the story. And it’s a good story too — it’s got pirates and explosions and-
You felt it again! You look around frantically until your eyes fall on something white and fluffy in the grass. It’s a rabbit! You love rabbits – at least, they do look mighty cute in all those internet videos you’ve been watching. You gasp in delight at this very adorable intruder, until you realise-
The rabbit is wearing a waistcoat.
What…? The rabbit stands up on its hind paws and shoots you an annoyed look. He takes out a piece of paper from his breast pocket and unfolds it. He looks at you again and points at it. “You’re late!”
“I’m late?” you ask, fully accepting that this is what has become of you – you’re actually talking to a rodent. “Late for what?”
The rabbit points at the sign again. “You’re late!”
“But I didn’t make any plans!” you protest. “I was going to sit outside and read all day. It won’t be long until it’s too cold to read outside.”
He points at the sign furiously, again and again. “You’re late! You’re late! You’re late!” When you still don’t move, he throws the sign down in a huff — who knew rabbits could huff? — and starts pulling at your clothes with its teeth.
“Alright, alright! I’ll come.” With a big sigh, you put down your book and get up. This is certainly the weirdest thing that has happened to you, and now you’re not sure whether you’re even awake or not. Nevertheless, the rabbit starts hopping and you decide to follow it. Every couple feet, it turns around to check if you’re still following. “Still here,” you tell it. This goes on for a couple minutes, until finally you reach a giant rabbit hole. The rabbit in the waistcoat stops by the hole, stands up on its feet again, and looks at you expectantly.
“Yes?” you ask.
The rabbit points at the hole.
You raise an eyebrow at it. “Are you mad? I’m not going in there.”
The rabbit points again.
You take a cautious step forward and lean in to peer over the edge. The hole is really quite deep. “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”
The rabbit points and points and points and starts jumping up and down. When you still don’t move, it hops up behind you and gives you a mighty push, sending you sprawling straight for the hole.
“Whoa!” you yell out, shocked by the sudden strength of such a small creature. You try to scramble for anything that might stop your fall, but there’s nothing here but grass, and so you fall into the giant rabbit hole. You scream and shout as your clothes and hair get tangled in branches and you scrape by the edges of the hole. It hurts, but not as much as you imagine the bottom will feel. Just as the thought crosses your mind, you start falling slower until you’re more or less floating downward. A golden pocket watch flies past; you try to make a grab for it, but it slips just out of reach.
After what seems like forever, you hit the ground flat on your butt. “Ooff!”
“There she is, let’s pick her up.” Before you realise what’s going on, two hands have grabbed you by the armpits and heave you up.
“Hey!” you shout, but they’ve already let you go. When you turn around to yell at them, you stop in your tracks. Because you’re looking at the oddest welcoming committee you’ve ever seen. There’s a woman dressed in white with a beautiful gleaming tiara perched on top of her dainty head; a weird-looking fellow sporting a very bright suit and a very tall hat; a blue caterpillar smoking a hookah; and the rabbit who’s been pestering you for the past hour.
“You!” you hiss at the rodent, which quickly hides behind the woman’s giant dress.
“Now now,” the tall fellow says, placing his hands on your shoulders, “let’s not get violent, we have no time for such frivolities. We have to get you ready.” He looks you up and down, noticing the twigs in your hair and the tears in your clothes. “This will take a while.”
“Excuse me?” you say. “Ready for what?”
“Ready for what,” he repeats to the audience, snickering, over his shoulder. “Ready for what, she says. This is a funny one.” His grin falls when he sees the look on your face, though. It’s filled with anger, annoyance, confusion, and just a hint of madness. “Oh,” he says as he pulls a few twigs out of your hair. “You really don’t know. Why, the Blogger Ceremony of course!”
“The Blogger Ceremony?”
“The Blogger Ceremony! The mistresses of Wonderland are looking for a new co-blogger. I have to say you’re mighty late, but I’m sure we can squeeze you in.” He looks a bit stricken at the sight of you, but quickly masks it with a big grin. “My Queen?”
“She’s hopeless,” the blue caterpillar says, puffing out three circles of smoke. “Look at the state of her.”
“Nothing is ever hopeless, Absolem,” the woman in white — the White Queen — responds. You stare in awe; everything about her radiates serenity and beauty. She floats forward until she’s standing right in front of you. You suddenly feel very self-conscious under her gaze. “Hmmm…” She places a hand under her chin as if pondering what to do with you. The tall fellow, who turns out to be the Hatter, pulls more twigs from your hair. You swat at one of his hands as he continues to prune and pluck at you.
“Ow!” you hiss.
“Shush, blogger. We have to make you look respectable for the mistresses.”
“Yeah, who are these mistresses anyway? What do they want with me?” You’re suddenly feeling a lot more defiant, and you’ll have answers, damn it!
The Hatter gasps. “You mean you don’t know?”
“She doesn’t know,” Absolem echoes, blowing three more circles right in your face. You cough and try to wave the smoke away. “She knows nothing, Jon Snow.”
You turn to the Queen, expecting her to answer your questions, but she merely smiles and waves her hand. At first, nothing happens, but when you look down, you see that all your clothes have been mended and — Wonderlandified. Ruffles sprout around your collar and sleeves, embroiderments of insects and flowers appear on the fabric, and you notice about seven new colours you’ve never seen before. “What–” you start, but the Queen pushes up your chin, and gives you a poke between the shoulder blades so you immediately stand up straight.
“There, that’s better,” she says. “Hatter?”
“Ah, yes, the Blogger Hat. I have it right here with me.” He takes the giant hat off his head and retrieves a slightly smaller top hat from the inside. At first it doesn’t look like anything special, but when he brings it closer, you see that it is entirely made of–
“Books,” you breathe, reaching out to touch it, but the Hatter snatches it away and puts it on your head instead. It feels slightly heavy, but fits you perfectly. Almost as it if was made for you.
“Yes, that’s it,” the Hatter says happily. “Her muchness is finally showing. Another masterpiece, my Queen. This one’s ready.”
“READY FOR WHAT?” you scream.
I do hope you enjoyed my little story. I thought I’d do something fun and different for a change. So, yes! Welcome to Wonderland! It probably hasn’t escaped your notice that we are looking for a co-blogger or two to join our ranks. With Aly often drowning in work and me often drowning in mental illnesses, it’s sometimes difficult for us to write blog posts, and, well, we could use some helping hands.
Let me ‘splain!
What would we like from you as a co-blogger?
- Ideally, we’d like you to post at least once a week. If all of us can do this, then we’ll have (depending on the number of co-bloggers) three to four posts every week, which would be fantastic.
- Still, quality over quantity. We’d love it if you could provide original content that’s not just filling posts.
- You can write about pretty much anything you like. Our focus lies on books, but feel free to write about your personal life as well, and movies you’d like to recommend, and cake recipes, and anything you can think of. I’m sure we can find room for almost anything.
What’s in it for you?
- You’ll get access to a blog that’s up and ready for you to start writing!
- You’ll become part of a team — there are no ranks here, so you’ll have just as much of a say in a blog as we do.
- We are extremely delightful and loveable.
- You’ll be able to use our blog stats for requesting ARCs (e.g. on NetGalley).
- If you’re new to blogging, we’ll teach you everything we know (which, granted, isn’t a lot).
So, yeah! If this sounds like something you’d enjoy doing, make sure to fill in the form below. I know it sounds a bit like a job interview, but please don’t worry — we’ll take everyone into consideration, even those without any blogging experience. The deadline for applying is October 31st. We can’t wait to hear from you!